


adored by him

by midnightsyoongi



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2017-10-11
Packaged: 2018-11-04 02:54:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10981854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightsyoongi/pseuds/midnightsyoongi
Summary: Who knew love could hurt so much?After falling for your best friend and fellow Jedi, Obi-Wan Kenobi, you found yourself going down a path you never imagined you'd witness.





	1. one

Space was always beautiful to you. No matter how many times you traveled throughout it, you always found yourself lost in an almost timeless moment, watching the millions of tiny planets and stars fly past. As a child, you used to stare up at the sky, wondering what it would be like to stand in the place you were that moment, eyes glimmering in the limited light of the ship.  
You stood in your usual place when you felt a familiar presence brush against yours. The door opened, but you didn't move your gaze, only smiling.  
"Hello, Obi-Wan." You spoke brightly, and you sensed the smile playing on his lips.  
"Y/N," He greeted, settling into a comfortable stance beside you, following your gaze. Your skin tingled slightly, a warmth overtaking you as he spoke your name. You had known Obi-Wan for many years now after meeting him at the Temple as younglings. The two of you had become closer than ever, and over many years, your feelings had sprouted and grown deeply. Attachments, of course, were forbidden, so instead, you rejoiced in the friendship you shared, although that did nothing to prevent your pain.  
"You've never stopped loving the stars, have you?" Obi-Wan spoke out of nowhere, and you laughed softly, his blue gaze landing on you.  
"Never. People take them for granted. They take the whole universe for granted. I think we should appreciate the beauty we have been gifted." You explained passionately, sparing a glance toward Obi-Wan. Your eyes met, locking for a minute. A red glow flushed over your cheeks, and you broke away from the moment, staring back out at the stars. Your thoughts wandered back toward the handsome Jedi Master. Perhaps you were talking about more than the stars? You cleared your brain, noting that you had forgotten to put back your mental barriers when he came in the room and hoped he hadn't heard you.  
"You have a beautiful outlook on life," Obi-Wan mumbled, resting his hands behind his back. You couldn't hold back a small grin, glancing down at the floor for a brief moment. "Y/N-"  
"General Kenobi, Master Y/L/N?" A new voice interrupted Obi-Wan, and you turned to see Commander Cody standing in the doorway. "We are about to land on Coruscant."  
"Thank you, commander." Obi-Wan nodded his head, and Cody headed back toward the other clones. Obi-Wan flashed a quick smile at you.  
"Looks like you'll have to stop admiring the stars for a short while, hm?" He hummed, before walking toward the door. You opened your mouth, as though to ask him what he was going to say, but he was already gone, leaving you once more. A sigh escaped your lips, and you cast one more glance to space before following Obi-Wan out the door. Things looked so much simpler from the outside.  
*  
The ship landed smoothly in the hangar of the Temple, and you were greeted by Anakin and his new Padawan, Ahsoka. He smiled at you as you made your way off the ship, and opened his arms for a hug. Anakin had become very much like a brother to you and knew about your strong feelings toward Obi-Wan. You accepted his embrace, breathing in deeply.  
"I'm glad to see you are safe," Anakin spoke, and you laughed, breaking away from him.  
"All because of Obi-Wan, of course." You joked, flashing a small smile at your friend. He met your gaze, smirking.  
"Quite obviously," Obi-Wan spoke seriously, but his voice was tinted with sarcasm. Ahsoka rolled her eyes, crossing her arms.  
"Stop flirting, you two." She groaned, before yelping as Anakin hit her arm, both you and Obi-Wan shooting her a look, although yours was less in annoyance and more wistful.  
"Don't talk like that, Ahsoka." Obi-Wan sighed. "Me and Y/N are merely friends, that's all." Your heart dropped. Anakin instantly looked toward you, but you were staring at the floor. It felt as though you had been slapped in the face. "Well, we better be off to the council." Obi-Wan tried to catch your eye, but you avoided his cyan gaze, mumbling a 'goodbye' to Ahsoka and Anakin. You walked together through the halls of the Temple, the silence sending thoughts of Obi-Wan spinning round your mind.  
*  
After your meeting with the council was complete, you found yourself parting with Obi-Wan without a word, emotion building up inside of you. The tears were burning as they escaped down your cheek, your heart throbbing.  
"Y/N?" You recognized Anakin's voice from the other end of the corridor, and you looked up at him whilst trying to keep your bottom lip steady. His face fell and he ran to your aid, wrapping his arms around your shaking figure. Finally, you let out the sobs caged up inside of you. Anakin didn't need to ask why you were crying, as you'd been here a few times before, emptying emotion you had been lugging around on a mission with Obi-Wan.  
Eventually, the tears stopped flowing, leaving you empty. Anakin set his hands on your shoulders, pulling away so he could see your face.  
"I'm sorry," He mumbled, and you just shook your head, recognizing the dull beat of pain inside you.  
"I'm a Jedi." You breathed. "I'll be fine." And with that, you walked away, hood up to cover your tear stained face.


	2. two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who knew love could hurt so much?  
> After falling for your best friend and fellow Jedi, Obi-Wan Kenobi, you found yourself going down a path you never imagined you'd witness.

Only a few days later, you were again on a ship, on your way to your next mission. You and Obi-Wan sat in the cockpit, zooming through space. You were going to protect the New Mandalorians, Satine Kryze during their Civil War. Much to your disapointment, you knew Obi-Wan had... Connections to Satine previous to your visit, and you definitely were not looking forward to being around the two of them.   
I am Jedi, you reminded yourself, furrowing your eyebrows.   
"You have been very conflicted these past few days, Y/N." Obi-Wan pulled you out of your thoughts. You looked round to see him watching you with concern. "What's the matter?" You forced a smile.   
"I'm perfectly okay, Obi-Wan." You replied, but he was unconvinced.   
"I've known you almost your entire life. I know when you are troubled." Annoyance suddenly struck you when he pressed further.  
"What is it to you?" You snapped, but you instantly regret it as Obi-Wan flinched a little. It was very unlike you to get frustrated easily. You sighed, pressing your fingers to your temples. "I'm sorry, Obi-Wan. There is a lot on my mind, that's all." Obi-Wan placed his hand on your shoulder gently, shivers going down your spine as he did so.   
"You know I am always here for you, Y/N." He reassured you, and it took every last bit of you not to start crying as you locked eyes.   
"Don't worry about me, Obi-Wan. I'm a Jedi. I will be fine." You had found yourself saying that more and more, almost as your own mantra to help you through your emotion. Obi-Wan held eye contact for a second longer before turning back to the front of the ship.   
"If you say so." He mumbled. You focused your vision on the stars again, attempting to find peace in them, but for the first time, you couldn't. Instead, your feelings for Obi-Wan stayed prominant in your brain, like an alarm that wouldn't stop ringing.   
It didn't take much longer to get to Mandalore. Your emotions had heightened, and you prayed to keep control over them as you left the ship at Obi-Wan's side. There, Satine awaited, her turqoize eyes shinning as she spotted Obi-Wan. They smiled at one another brightly, exchanging an embrace. You grit your teeth, trying to ignore the thorn in your side.   
"It is lovely to see you again, Obi." Obi? You demanded, anger storming through you.   
"The pleasure is mine." You glanced over at your friend to see his cheeks were dusted red. It was all going so horribly wrong already. "This is Jedi Master Y/N Y/L/N."   
"It seems we haven't met before." Satine's eyes landed on you, her tone relaxed. "Satine Kryze." She extended a hand, and you took it, smiling bitterly.   
"Great to meet you, milady." You tried to filter your voice, and she let out a small laugh as you retracted your hand.   
"Please, call me Satine." You nodded, and the three of you began to walk in. You trailed behind Obi-Wan and Satine, feeling as though you were falling. You couldn't fault her. How could you ever better Satine?   
The rest of the day was torturous for you. In fact, the next few days were. Throughout meetings, Obi-Wan and Satine made continous eye contact and smiles. At meal times, they spoke with their heads close. Obi-Wan even kissed her on the hand when bidding her good night. The thorn you felt when you arrived was digging deeper and deeper, until it seemed to pierce the very thing keeping you together.   
It was as though you were being ripped apart, seeing them together. You tried to convince yourself if you wanted Obi-Wan to be happy, you should leave him be, but you couldn't. Each night was filled with tears and haunting thoughts. You just couldn’t wait any longer to go back to Coruscant.   
You sat in your quarters, waiting for Obi-Wan’s presence to move into the room he was staying in beside yours, before masking your aura. You moved out the door, staying in the shadows as you walked through the building and out to the hangar. It didn’t take long for you to settle in the cockpit of your ship and start up the engine, but as you jetted away from the planet, you swore you could see Obi-Wan standing back in the hangar, watching.


	3. three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who knew love could hurt so much?  
> After falling for your best friend and fellow Jedi, Obi-Wan Kenobi, you found yourself going down a path you never imagined you'd witness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is short but I have an exciting few chapters after!

It occurred to you as you moved throughout space that going back to the Jedi Temple was a terrible idea. You had failed in fulfilling your duty as a Jedi, and had given into emotions and attachment. Jealousy was eating away inside of you, and it had been for many days. Fear of returning to the temple, or seeing Obi-Wan again was also working its way through your head. Your hands shook despite how tightly you gripped the ships controls, and you found yourself staring out at the stars to attempt to calm yourself, but for once they offered you no escape. You weighed up your choices. Gritting your teeth, you swung the ship round, heading towards the outer rim. There, you could hide away from the Jedi Order for as long as you needed, as long as you wanted.   
You put the ship on autopilot to Tatooine, heading into the back of the ship and putting on some old, spare clothes and boots. You hid your lightsaber under your cloak, shoving your Jedi robes into a bag and strapping it onto your back. Settling down in the cockpit, you drifted into a light sleep, exhaustion beating the urge to cry as words echoed through your mind – I am a Jedi. I am a Jedi… I’m no longer a Jedi.  
You woke to the beeping of the ship. You stretched, rubbing your eyes and slowly guiding the ship to a land. Dusty, deserted land stretched in all directions around you as you stepped out of the ship, the steps retracting the moment you touched the ground. You moved out the way as it moved back into the air, back onto the path to Mandalore. Your hair whipped in the wind as you turned to look at the small village off in the far distance, and you set off, keeping your head bowed, hood up.   
When you reached the village, there were small huts made from rock, market stalls selling mysterious foods and items. Greed and evil spilled from most minds of the citizens and stall owners, so you didn’t find it hard to steal pieces of bread and other materials.   
Night fell quickly, the temperature dropping drastically. You wrapped your cloak around yourself tightly, moving through the dark quietly. You scanned the horizon for any type of shelter.   
“Come home, now, Y/N.” You froze at the sound of the familiar voice, your heart dropping. You didn’t understand how you didn’t feel his presence the moment he landed.   
“I can’t.” You turned, the last rays of light spilling around his figure. His blue eyes were not bright as they usually were – they were sad, heavy. He looked tired, very tired, and he had his arms folded, hands tucked under his arms.   
“Why?” His voice broke slightly, sending thunder throughout your heart.  
“I have broken the Jedi code, Obi-Wan.” Tears began to roll down your cheeks. “I have been breaking it every day for many years.” His eyes widened, searching your gaze.   
“Y/N – what did you do? What have you done?” Obi-Wan stuttered.   
“Can’t you see?” The words came out in a laugh, and you took a step forward. “I love you, Obi-Wan! I love you, I love you, I love you!” Your voice grew louder and louder with each word. “I always have, and I always will!” You took a shaky breath, your face wet from so many tears. “I have attachments. I’m scared to lose you. No, I’m terrified of losing you, and yet I’ve never had you.” Obi-Wan stared as you spoke, and you clamped your mouth shut. Swallowing, you turned and began to walk away.   
“Wait! Y/N, wait-“ You moved in a flash, tearing out your lightsaber and igniting it. It skimmed his cheek, just under his eye, and he let out a hiss of pain, before jumping back. You panted, staring at the wound left behind. You dropped your lightsaber, flinching away from Obi-Wan, before turning back to the darkness, moving as quick as you could away from him. He watched, helplessly, ignoring the pain on his cheek. It was nothing compared to the aching deep within his heart that he didn’t conceal, wished you could feel just so you knew.   
So you knew he loved you too.


	4. four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I have changed a few chapters, so go back and read through if need be. I hope to finish this asap as I have many ideas to come! Sorry I haven't been online for a while!

You had been living on Tatooine for a few months. You had built a small camp in a deserted cave, a few miles from the town. You had too much time on your hands, most of it spent practicing your old Jedi techniques, but now you abandoned any code you once followed. You meditated, drawing power upon your emotions towards Obi-Wan and Satine; anger, hatred, jealousy. You had gained contact with a Sith Lord, Darth Sidious, and he spoke of recruiting you as a Sith apprentice. You were yet to accept his offer, but he promised of one thing you wanted the most – revenge. Revenge for the pain Obi-Wan had caused you, revenge on Satine for tearing Obi-Wan away from you, revenge on the order for putting you in such a position.   
One morning, you were making your weekly trip to the town to collect supplies. You noticed a familiar aircraft landing that caused you to pause, your heart skipping a beat. Anakin stepped out, robes flapping in the wind, his gaze set on your figure. He flinched when your awareness’ collided, brightness rolling off him in waves. You did not run, only watched as he made his way towards you.   
“Y/N?” His voice shook a little as he spoke, and you pulled away your hood, nodding once.   
“Anakin.” Your voice sounded so cold, unused to being used.   
“What are you doing out here?” Anakin frowned, resting his hands on his hips. “Obi-Wan, he was distraught, when he came back from Mandalore…” He shook his head, and you winced at Obi-Wan’s name. “Y/N, as soon as I landed here, I could sense the dark side, and it’s coming… Well, it’s coming from you.” Your eyes flashed.   
“Anakin, after many days of meditation, I have realized that Obi-Wan was not the main reason I came here – I wanted to escape the Jedi Order. Those people, and their codes… They were not written for people like me.” You spoke sharply. “I was raised a Jedi, but I will not die one.” Anakin watched you, astounded at your words. It took him a while to speak. But, then he did.   
“Y/N, the order are searching for you – and it’s not good. They believe you are supporting the seperatists, and, well, and have become a Sith Lord.” Anakin breathed. “They are coming to Tatooine very soon… You need to leave before…” You clenched your jaw, a wave of bitter sorrow bursting from you. Anakin was like your brother, the last attachment that the order hadn’t ripped away from you.  
“And what do you believe, Anakin?” Your voice was frosty. He looked at you sadly.   
“I’m sorry, Y/N.” Then it hit you.   
“But it’s time for this to stop.”   
It didn’t take you more than a second to burst into action, dropping to the floor and rolling away from Obi-Wan and Anakin. You ignited your lightsaber, narrowing your eyes at the two men opposite you.   
“Anakin, why would you do this to me?” You spat, but he was too focused on your lightsaber. Originally green, it had turned a dark red when the crystal broke. Obi-Wan moved forward, jabbing at you with glazed eyes. You deflected his move, noticing the scarred burn mark on his cheek. You quickly turned on the offence, making strikes at Obi-Wan and pushing Anakin away with the Force. You could tell Anakin was weakened, not truly wanting to fight you, but Obi-Wan’s mind was masked, only hints of desperation seeping through his defenses. Your mind was like a fortress, armed tooth and nail. You allowed emotions to run through you with each jab and fluid movement, but you were weakening quickly. It had been many months since you truly fought someone, and although you had been practicing you had almost forgotten the true power of the Jedi. Slowly, you fell back, bitter annoyance biting at you. Eventually, Obi-Wan hit your lightsaber out your grip. You didn’t allow any emotion to show, instead throwing all your power into the Force, eyes glinting yellow in the last rays of sunlight.   
The explosion was too quick for your mind to register it. You flew back, dying forks of electricity sparking from your fingertips. You landed on your side, hard, against the ground, the impact winding you. Your body screamed in agony, lungs searching for air. You had to blink a few times before your vision cleared, still blurry, ringing in your ears. Anakin and Obi-Wan weren’t visible from the dust cloud you had caused. You glanced down at your body, groaning as agony laced up your right leg.   
“Oh, my force,” You breathed, wincing as you sat up. Your right foot was completely missing, blood seeping into the dessert ground around you.   
“I see we came at the right time,” A smooth voice, quiet but powerful. You turned to look at its owner, but before you could see them, the world flashed black.


End file.
